Originally written on 1/4/07
Hi J,
I suffer sometimes from loneliness, too. How have I gotten through these years? I don't know. I think having friends to talk to from time to time helps - friends who I can call. But it is also just a matter of adjustment. I found that I get used to it after a while. Sometimes I think it would be really nice to have someone around, and I do really want to have someone who I can grow old with. I think the biggest benefit would be to have someone who knows me really well - like for many years and has seen a lot of my struggles over time. Then, they can also help me to have some perspective when I am lacking. But I also hope I can contribute something positive to their life. I don't just want someone to hear me complain. I want the relationship to be mutual - both of us helping each other when we need it and celebrating together when one or both of us accomplishes something. In that sense, aside from the loneliness, it would be great to just be able to share everything with someone.
So, I really envy you that you have a wife and family that you obviously love so much. That is really special and something that I know you treasure. I know your wife treasures you, too, as you do her. I am positive that she will respond to the sincere changes that you are trying to make in your life. This is a tremendous opportunity for both of you to really take your relationship beyond the day to day mundane necessities and become much closer. There is a saying that one life is activated by another. My feeling is that she mostly needs to feel that she is not alone. That she has you as a real partner in your lives. It is that kind of partnership that I crave. I am really happy for you and I hope I can find the same thing myself.
I also feel that struggling myself with not wanting to really face my life will help me to get past whatever it has been that has kept me from finding that same kind of intimacy.
Wow. I wrote a lot. So, what is your blog? Can I see it? I know you may want to remain anonymous and that is fine, too. You may feel more free to say what you need to say if you can remain completely anonymous. I totally understand that.
Take care,
M.
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On 1/4/07, J. wrote:
m,
i still find it's very hard for me to handle being alone. how did you get thru these years?
for diary, i just created a blog myself and going to keep my diary there. though it's kind of privacy stuff, i am anonymous.
